Well I had a scare of my life when the doc told me I had some problems and asked me visit him the next day. During that period of time I was scared and I do not know what will happen to me. I started thinking of life, how fragile it was and all things will end in a short while. Life is not like a DVD player where you can just rewind to the part of life and change it. You have only one chance and if you screw up, the lights are out. From that moment I started to value life more and live it to fullest. Not caring about other peoples thoughts about me and just live it as the day goes by. But I guess this will take time as life is not that simple. There are so many things that we humans need to think about in life. Driving the best car, buying a great house and finding someone to fill the house with the person you love, start a family and so on. I don’t know about you guys, but family to me is like everything to me, not only I am talking about your parents and siblings, the wife and kids will be so dear to me. We are sharing this road in life seeing your wife taking care of the kids, seeing those lovely eyes when you go back home (of course the occasional nagging from your wife and kids screaming) but hey, that’s the life everyone would want, if not why marry and have kids? To me life is about starting a family and get old with the person you love. Even plants have kids and stay in the jungle (Well I guess they don’t have a choice). But like humans, plants do have parasites that can live among these plants. It stays there and hurt them and eventually they die.

What can we do in life to have a peaceful life? Some might say be nice and be loyal, but is that enough?

Just imagine in one night I can think of all these things when you don’t know what the doctor would say to me the next day. I want to value my life now and love my mom, dad. Brother, sister, sister in law and little Chloe.

So the doc told me the next day that I was find its just some reading from my blood was abnormal. They used this think called Alpha Fetarotien to test the liver for cancer and its was to the high side. But after checking it was fine, the doc said the readings are not accurate.

A fight for maturity

I have been living my life without knowing what is right or what is wrong. Life to me is like a game without having a chance to continue. Never liked that feeling but then I guess its just childish thinking I guess. I just wonder how people handle certain situation in life. Even though that I know how it is done by other people, I still screw up. Always asked myself why I screw up and all I can think of is that, I can’t control my feelings. Most of the time, I live my life by thinking of silly and damaging thoughts that truly did not happen. It’s like a devil telling me all the negative stuff. I ask myself why I must think of all these insane thoughts where all I need to do is not care of what other people is thinking. It sickens me by just writing this down and reading it myself for what I am capable of thinking. I need to grow up.

I guess now I know why I have lost relationships in the past. A grown man with childish thoughts and unstable emotional behavior. I can say that my work is fine, occasional hiccups but I guess that’s the learning curve. Family and friend seem to be fine; they are very helpful in many ways. I guess it narrowing down to one thing and it has always been that reason. “I hate myself for loving you” is a song which I heard the other day and it seems to be related to what I am feeling now. Why can’t a person live without the opposite sex? Monks can do it and why is it so hard for someone like me to do so at this time?

The problem with me is that, I think of things that complicated simple matters. Small gestures from someone can be devastating in my mind. Why is that so? Is it the way that I was raised? Or am I just not mature enough to handle these situations? I am feeling tired of thinking of someone that doesn’t give a rats ass about me. But then I still torment myself day and night, speculating gestures that simply mean nothing!

There are more things in life to think about like how to get more money, how to love your parents more, where to chill with your friends but I have chosen one absurd thing, relationship.

By writing this out I now see the stupidly in all this. It’s basically a waste of time. Life is just too short for all these nonsense.

Have you ever wondered what you would do when you know that, tomorrow will be the last day of your life, what would you do? Cry, own a Skyline, be with your friends and family, or maybe spend it alone? I have been sitting on the hotel bed in Kuantan and started wondering what in heavens I would do if I know tomorrow is the last day that I walk on this earth. Yes its sad that I have nothing to do there and Astro is showing some crap movie about people stuck in the Sahara (I think its called “Flight of the Phoenix” or something). So what would I do may you ask? Well I guess I would spend my last moments with family and friends. They are the people, which most probably be there for you when you most need it. Maybe for the last 2 hours I will try to call up someone that I hurt so much until we don’t talk anymore. Telling things like I am sorry and hope that this life I could be forgiven and be friends again for that very last breath. Life is actually to short to make mistakes and more over humans make them to learn from them. However life is also fragile and that’s why people tent to forgive and forget the stupidity that we or other people had done.

So after thinking of all these silly stuff, I switched on to RTM1 and Bicentennial Man was on. It such a coincidence that I was thinking about life being fragile and short and this show turns up telling us about a robot that wants to die like a human. Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?   

Life is just pretty much interesting. The world only see what are the bad things that you do in life then slowly count the many good deeds that you made. So is kindness a norm that everyone just do, or do we need to put extra effort i to it, sheading blood in gaining the trust of a person, being a kind and caring person ad try to live in a good name. Does all these ever matter when all you need is a bloody mistake in your life and all these things that you have earned so hard just vanished in to thin air. Why will you be grades a bad person when you did one single mistake and in all your life you try to be someone kind and nice. I am not talking about killers, rapist and robbers, those can rot in hell, but i am talking about us, people who just live our lives hanging around with our friends working our arse out for coloured notes.

Why can’t we just talk about it and not show face and think i am a bad person? We where given a voice for a reason, is to talk about it, given a mind to think and not assume, and a heat to feel and not to hurt. Why cant that simple mistake be a lesson to me and solve it by talking rather then to stick a knife in my heart and leave it there for the rest of my life.

Well i feel that life is a never ending series. Just like the bold and the beautiful (No i dont watch it) the story never ends and its so repetetive. Well guess life is just like that. I feel that in my life no matter how i change myself, i make alot of mistakes and when i analyse the mistakes that i have made, its the same old one but with different environment with different people. If i said i learned from my past, then you might ask why i make them again? Well puzzling isnt it? I do ask the same questions to myself everytime. Sometimes you know whats going to happen and you know well enough that its going to be a bad outcome, i still tend to stick my head right at the shithole again. i remember there is one episode of the Simpsons that homer was asked to grab a very hot object and he kept on trying to get it but it burns is hands, kept on doing. on the otherside however was a monkey who refuses to grab it coz its hot. In my case i feel like i am homer, making the same mistakes again and again, blindly following my so called gut instints. 

I have this weird thought that are people really telling the truth about themselves or is it just made up to impress people? Could it be they are hiding a dark secret that haunts them in the past? No matter the reason I sometimes do not know what is real and what is not anymore. Humans have the ability to lie without giving any sighs of lying that is what makes us so unique. Is where a person that can stand up to everyone and say he/she has not lied in life before? If there is, then that’s the biggest lie in the world. Lying can lead to many unnecessary complications in life, which surely have a negative outcome. So why do we lie, I sometimes look back in life and think why I did what I did. I am not perfect and I lie to get out of trouble (well I don’t want to get scold by my parents) and loads of white lies but I guess it does not help or I am not a good liar all together, I always get caught. So now you may ask why I did it? I guess I did it coz I was more scared of being scolded then just telling a sinful lie.

Well I am not proud of what I did but I am not ashamed of telling it. Well I guess we are living in a less then perfect world and I would say that without “lie” life will not be so interesting, everyone will be telling the truth, love triangles will be everywhere. As for know what’s real and what’s not from a persons mouth, well who cares what he/she says, as long as it sounds realistic enough to believe then I am fine. 

Music provides a single individual inner peace,

As a person finds the perfect sanctuary in life,

There are different genres to sooth the savage beast,

Given them to be loud or soft,

It provides the same purpose,

Countless of instruments come together,

To create sounds of beauty and harmony,

Where the messages are sent to stop wars,

And yet create peace and community awareness,

We cannot stop ourselves to listen to the things around us,

So we are glad that we have a thing call music,

A very good tool for cooling down physically or mentally,

Imagine a world without it.

I have been feeling a little to the down side lately and I was just wondering why I feel this way. With this feeling I don’t feel like doing anything but to sit at home and do nothing. I guess I am just bored with the things that I am doing or could it be another factor to this unanswerable mood. Could it be work? I seem to be okay with my work now as my colleagues are treating me like we are in one big happy family. I kinda dislike the idea of working late and working on weekends but I guess it’s still bearable, as I have nothing to do at those times anyway. Money is the root to all problems as some might say. I guess I don’t have that problem or maybe a little coz of some unplanned purchase of some product. I can say that I am a person who likes to spend without thinking when I am sad or broken hearted. So I really don’t think that this is the cause of my sudden mood shift. So what else could be the cause of this unimaginable feeling of mine? Well for days I have tried to be the same person that I am, smiling, happy go lucky guy but unfortunately I can keep to that state for just a moment. After that I will be struck by this darn feeling! I guess I will continue with my fight to regain my mood back. I would think that there is only one root to this so-called mood swing and I guess a lot of my friends would know. Please assure that I do not speak on behalf of the male community but I just write on what I think. So I would think that most of the guys problems evolve in only 2 major areas, $ and Chicks. So I have already said that money is not a real issue to me so I guess you readers out there know what could be the cause of this mood swing. I won’t want to talk more about this topic as I guess I shall leave it to another topic on my blog. Oh well I hope this mood swing of mine ends as I kinda hate this feeling of not having fun for the things that I usually thing that is fun, not able to sleep and also other things that I can’t think of now.

Many people meet, are attracted to each other, and fall in love but do not live happily ever after. Why? Maybe they are confused with the meaning of “love”.

So lets just look at the meaning of love which I guess is the most accurately comprehended. When an individual loves someone, you value the person highly and choose to nurture the one that you love with your resources (time, money …. etc). You then choose to put him/her far above the daily task that you have, hence putting him/her at the top of your priority list. Therefore we choose to be in love with someone and to make that choice we need to know about the person. Knowing someone requires time. So love at first sight is just something that you see in the movies.

However, to offer yourself in this case does not mean to sacrifice or deprive you of resources. Most people relate, "giving" to "relieving oneself of resources." But psychologists familiar with human behaviour observe that "giving love" has a different meaning. When you give love, you experience strength, joy, and aliveness.

Therefore, those who give of themselves are conferring on another the most precious gift they have to offer: their joys, their understandings, and their love for life. To them, these things are more valuable than money, yet they are willing to give them freely. By giving, they create another life with the same joy, aliveness, and understanding that is a part of them.When these things are developed in the other person’s life, that person radiates those feelings, creating new happiness that can be shared among them both. Hence, by giving love, you can automatically receive love in return, even though we do not give them intentionally.

I was having lunch with a friend that i have not met for agest the other day and he brought a friend with him. So its just a normal catching up for the both of us. We basically talked about everything actually. HIs friend however is a very quiet person. All he said on that time was "Hi" and he sits there looking at the menu all day. i was wondering if he was either dumb and not speak english or maybe he is just "one kind". Okays now the interesting thing starts, i felt a tap on my shoulders and it was other one of my friend (girl) who so happend pass by. we chat and she sat down on our table. Now remember the quiet guy i was talking about……. he became the most talkative son of a bitch i have ever known. Fucking hell mate, thing fucker only talks to girls man. i was shocked man.

I have seen guys flocking to girls before, but not to the extend of this guy. He is mr know all after this girl come along, he basically have senarios for every topic we talked about…… before she came, we were talking about cars he did not say a word and was not interested. Then when she said she wanted to buy a car…..he claims to test drive every car there was in a market man and telling her which car to get and all. Man he doesnt even know the difference between a rear and a front wheel drive car. and this guy has a "Tuned by TomS" and "Nismo" on his mitsubitshi galant man. I almost feel like slapping him. But something even better happend….. this friend of mine knows alot about cars and modifications.

This sudden "Mr know all" said he loves to modify his car and his intepretation of modifying a car is like….. change lights …. put stickers! after hearing that, the girl burst with laughter! He was so embaressed that time. I guess thats the last time i am going to see this Mofo.