Lapher’s Blog

Its been awhile now since i have "blogged" but i guess now is the best time to update my boring story. When i was a kid, i had no problems in life. Life seemed so fun with nothing to worry about. Now as time goes by, i still dont see problems happening. Well you might say that "money is the root to all problems" people robbing the bank and jump down buildings, but i dont see that, if you have no money then work harder, so its not a problem. The perspective of a problem are viewed differently by different people. some might think that love is the best thing that can happen to a guy. To me, its a complicating journey. Oh well i guess i will write about it more later on.

The thing is that this is the only problem that i have in life (so far). I remember the tme i was with her, and other guys called her mobile and she basically rejects thier calls. Now i know how they feel. I have been trying hard to contact her but everytime i get a no answer. I really dont know how long ican hang in there after all we are still friends right? Why must i be one of the "irritating guy" list after so long? Every day my heart stops beating, slowly beating……b…ea..ting……….stop.

We are supposed to learn from our mistakes and hope to be forgiven one day. There is no telling when the person can forgive but I guess you can only know when you get a call from her. Once again I have never forgiven myself for what I have done. Do I deserve a second chance? I have never blamed anybody for this, but why won’t she just hear me out. We have never spoken for 7 months now, and I long for the moment to hear her voice again. Not knowing what she is up to for 7 months? It’s a hard thing to not think about. Is this called “immaturity”? How can we measure immaturity? Is missing someone so badly and begging for forgiveness immature? Trying so hard to get a fucking job in Singapore immature? How can I control something like this? We are given these feelings for a reason. In a way we can say that the way I’m feeling is a punishment and if you want to look at it in another perspective, a hard lesson to learn. Is it a crime to miss someone? Sometimes I don’t know why I am still thinking about her. It’s just hard to forget your first love I guess. But I guess I screwed up real bad. It’s a dreadful 7 months and there are many more months to come in my life. What will become of me next?